Atom Heart Mother (suite)

It’s worth noting that the song my friend played on the bar juke box (referenced in the utterz post below) was interrupted (cut short) by the bar staff. It seems that some of the twenty-something year olds in the place didn’t appreciate a good 23 minute song from the 70’s. What’s funny about this is that my friend, James, paid extra to have the song play at that moment, so when they cut it off, he was upset – for many reasons (the least of which I think was the money he spent). He went to the bar to complain – and they gave him his $5 back. This is quite an unusual occurrence – receiving money back from the bar. Guess they really didn’t like the song.

And I quote from one of the bar rats: “Dude, I really can’t take any more of this song!”

January 10, 2008 at 5:57 pm Leave a comment

Mobile post sent by sozzy using Utterz Replies.  mp3

January 10, 2008 at 4:55 am Leave a comment

great moments in history – crab or shrimp?

S: i have a gift card to joe’s crab shack. i don’t eat there regularly though and am requesting suggestions on what i should get for lunch today.

IN: uhmmm…crab maybe?

S: was it a stupid question? i mean, they have a lot of items on their menu…
http://www.joescrabshack.com/menus.php?LC=CORP

IN: it was not a stupid question…it just SEEMED like a stupid question. i did have a pretty good crab experience there once, though, so that is my 2 cents.

S: well i’m torn between the crab and coconut shrimp. i’ve never eaten there in my life and don’t want to waste this opportunity…it may very well be the highlight of my week.

IN: I see, I see. The better question is this: how much buyer’s remorse will you have if you order crab, and how much will you have if you order shrimp? This is a once in a lifetime experience, and it is terrifying how improbable the planet is anyway.

S: Shit.

IN: In honor of your conundrum, an existential angst poem fragment:

Just say this world was
Never worth the beginning
It must have cost us
To be here
in the one moment
of skin spinning in the sun,
like a coin flashing
in all the oxygen air.

S: what’s the point of it all anyway. it’s just food, soon to be shit. i’ll just have rolls and butter. no, on second thought, i’ll have it all. but not at once.

IN: So this Zen Buddhist walks into a restaurant and orders a veggie burger. The lady behind the counter says, “What do you want on it?” And he says, “Everything.”

S: I can’t decide.

IN: Either crab or shrimp will make the ride better. Leo Strauss (and Nietzsche before him) said there is only the powerful ruling the weak. Not to be fatalistic or anything, but it is destiny for you to eat one of those tasty creatures and enjoy its deliciousness. This is what is meant by saying that form swallows content but content begets form.

S: i just ordered the shrimp. i had to pick one. or starve. i figured sauciness is a good thing. and i need to eat. man, i hope this wasn’t a mistake.

IN: Nothing will hurt, and everything will be beautiful. You have made a wonderful choice, and your day will be filled with joy.

S: This is maddening.

IN: And you are not even the shrimp in the equation.

January 3, 2008 at 3:15 pm Leave a comment

Mobile post sent by sozzy using Utterz Replies.  mp3

December 29, 2007 at 2:49 am Leave a comment

Hamburger Attack

After two years this day still haunts me…so I repost this as a remembrance of sort.

No, I did not finally break down and eat meat. I was actually attacked by a hamburger…or with one.

Last Friday while walking home from school someone driving by in a car beaned me with a burger. Hard. It left a mark, and not just the mustard stain on my shirt! I admit to considering calling the cops, until I envisioned the weekly police blotter write up in our local propaganda rag…I am not the crazy lady who calls the cops over a drive by burger attack. But then I got to thinking…could this be more than a random act of food related violence? After all, I am a vegetarian, which as everyone knows puts you in as hated a category as gays in the ranching state of Texas. Being that I am, as a vegetarian, a minority, maybe this was more than an ordinary food throwing crime. Maybe I walk like a non-meat eater and the person in the passing car could not resist pelting me one out of his utter disgust at my refusal to eat something that was once as alive as me. That being the case, if I do decide to prosecute I would certainly expect this to be more vigorously punished than your “ordinary” food throwing crime. I mean, my god, there could have been kids around! Can you imagine the horror of some burger gone astray taking out some toddler in a new jumper? Take it from me, mustard stains forever…both the shirt and the psyche. I am stained forever by this crime, that much I know for sure.

Having said that, I would like to call on all responsible burger eaters to encourage others to eat meat responsibly. Throwing your burger/meat is dangerous and rude. If you suspect your child (or adult) may find your burger and wind up throwing it at someone, even by accident, lock it up and keep the key with you, or just eat the dang thing and dispose of the wrapper in a proper waste container. If you yourself like to throw burgers and other meat products at innocent people, may I suggest a gentle lobbing action instead of an overhanded windup.

December 14, 2007 at 6:13 pm Leave a comment

In The Spirit of "Are you kidding me?!?"…

so, as a tribute to my thanksgiving family nutballs i’d like to share the following musings, observations, and various rants.

i would also like to say, since it has been mentioned that this makes me sound a little “off my rocker” that this is tongue in cheek sarcasm regarding my thanksgiving holiday and not intended to be mean spirited. well, not too mean spirited.

1. it is NOT POSSIBLE to “focus on my energy” and thereby determine that i have ADD, manic-depressive disorder, low AcH levels, or any other BIOLOGICAL malady. please stop focusing on my energy.

2. washing machines are self-cleaning. it’s not like i’m washing shitty diapers in there. guess what? i just focused on your energy and you need to deal with your OCD.

3. my dog cannot “talk” to you. frankly, if she could i don’t think she’d be asking you to ask me to take her out. she would tell you that freud called and he wants his crazy back.

4. i drink because you… well, because of you.

5. there is no possible reason whatsoever in any circumstance that seven immediate family members need NAMECARDS on the dinner table. we know where the fuck we wanna sit.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

6. thanks for the book on manic-depressive disorder, but once again, i disagree with your “diagnosis”. can we please not talk about this anymore? please?

7. i’m sorry that my dog’s hair “weaves” into your rug and sheets and blankets. weird how YOUR dog’s hair doesn’t do that, isn’t it?

8. since you insist on discussing my “disease”, do you not think it at all strange that since you’ve been on Adderall for your “ADD” you average about 2 hours of sleep a night? and have lost about 35 pounds? because you’re so healthy, you say? uh, okay, sure.

9. thanks for letting me stay in your house and making my dad happy. and reminding me that even the most “perfect” person is far from perfect. see you at christmas, freak.

December 14, 2007 at 4:21 pm Leave a comment

Newer Posts