In The Spirit of "Are you kidding me?!?"…

December 14, 2007 at 4:21 pm Leave a comment

so, as a tribute to my thanksgiving family nutballs i’d like to share the following musings, observations, and various rants.

i would also like to say, since it has been mentioned that this makes me sound a little “off my rocker” that this is tongue in cheek sarcasm regarding my thanksgiving holiday and not intended to be mean spirited. well, not too mean spirited.

1. it is NOT POSSIBLE to “focus on my energy” and thereby determine that i have ADD, manic-depressive disorder, low AcH levels, or any other BIOLOGICAL malady. please stop focusing on my energy.

2. washing machines are self-cleaning. it’s not like i’m washing shitty diapers in there. guess what? i just focused on your energy and you need to deal with your OCD.

3. my dog cannot “talk” to you. frankly, if she could i don’t think she’d be asking you to ask me to take her out. she would tell you that freud called and he wants his crazy back.

4. i drink because you… well, because of you.

5. there is no possible reason whatsoever in any circumstance that seven immediate family members need NAMECARDS on the dinner table. we know where the fuck we wanna sit.

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6. thanks for the book on manic-depressive disorder, but once again, i disagree with your “diagnosis”. can we please not talk about this anymore? please?

7. i’m sorry that my dog’s hair “weaves” into your rug and sheets and blankets. weird how YOUR dog’s hair doesn’t do that, isn’t it?

8. since you insist on discussing my “disease”, do you not think it at all strange that since you’ve been on Adderall for your “ADD” you average about 2 hours of sleep a night? and have lost about 35 pounds? because you’re so healthy, you say? uh, okay, sure.

9. thanks for letting me stay in your house and making my dad happy. and reminding me that even the most “perfect” person is far from perfect. see you at christmas, freak.

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Entry filed under: ADD, crazy, dog issues, family, manic-depression, step-mothers.

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