Hamburger Attack

December 14, 2007 at 6:13 pm Leave a comment

After two years this day still haunts me…so I repost this as a remembrance of sort.

No, I did not finally break down and eat meat. I was actually attacked by a hamburger…or with one.

Last Friday while walking home from school someone driving by in a car beaned me with a burger. Hard. It left a mark, and not just the mustard stain on my shirt! I admit to considering calling the cops, until I envisioned the weekly police blotter write up in our local propaganda rag…I am not the crazy lady who calls the cops over a drive by burger attack. But then I got to thinking…could this be more than a random act of food related violence? After all, I am a vegetarian, which as everyone knows puts you in as hated a category as gays in the ranching state of Texas. Being that I am, as a vegetarian, a minority, maybe this was more than an ordinary food throwing crime. Maybe I walk like a non-meat eater and the person in the passing car could not resist pelting me one out of his utter disgust at my refusal to eat something that was once as alive as me. That being the case, if I do decide to prosecute I would certainly expect this to be more vigorously punished than your “ordinary” food throwing crime. I mean, my god, there could have been kids around! Can you imagine the horror of some burger gone astray taking out some toddler in a new jumper? Take it from me, mustard stains forever…both the shirt and the psyche. I am stained forever by this crime, that much I know for sure.

Having said that, I would like to call on all responsible burger eaters to encourage others to eat meat responsibly. Throwing your burger/meat is dangerous and rude. If you suspect your child (or adult) may find your burger and wind up throwing it at someone, even by accident, lock it up and keep the key with you, or just eat the dang thing and dispose of the wrapper in a proper waste container. If you yourself like to throw burgers and other meat products at innocent people, may I suggest a gentle lobbing action instead of an overhanded windup.

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Entry filed under: food throwing, hamburgers, meat, mustard, vegetarian.

In The Spirit of "Are you kidding me?!?"…

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