Archive for December, 2007

Mobile post sent by sozzy using Utterz Replies.  mp3


December 29, 2007 at 2:49 am Leave a comment

Hamburger Attack

After two years this day still haunts me…so I repost this as a remembrance of sort.

No, I did not finally break down and eat meat. I was actually attacked by a hamburger…or with one.

Last Friday while walking home from school someone driving by in a car beaned me with a burger. Hard. It left a mark, and not just the mustard stain on my shirt! I admit to considering calling the cops, until I envisioned the weekly police blotter write up in our local propaganda rag…I am not the crazy lady who calls the cops over a drive by burger attack. But then I got to thinking…could this be more than a random act of food related violence? After all, I am a vegetarian, which as everyone knows puts you in as hated a category as gays in the ranching state of Texas. Being that I am, as a vegetarian, a minority, maybe this was more than an ordinary food throwing crime. Maybe I walk like a non-meat eater and the person in the passing car could not resist pelting me one out of his utter disgust at my refusal to eat something that was once as alive as me. That being the case, if I do decide to prosecute I would certainly expect this to be more vigorously punished than your “ordinary” food throwing crime. I mean, my god, there could have been kids around! Can you imagine the horror of some burger gone astray taking out some toddler in a new jumper? Take it from me, mustard stains forever…both the shirt and the psyche. I am stained forever by this crime, that much I know for sure.

Having said that, I would like to call on all responsible burger eaters to encourage others to eat meat responsibly. Throwing your burger/meat is dangerous and rude. If you suspect your child (or adult) may find your burger and wind up throwing it at someone, even by accident, lock it up and keep the key with you, or just eat the dang thing and dispose of the wrapper in a proper waste container. If you yourself like to throw burgers and other meat products at innocent people, may I suggest a gentle lobbing action instead of an overhanded windup.

December 14, 2007 at 6:13 pm Leave a comment

In The Spirit of "Are you kidding me?!?"…

so, as a tribute to my thanksgiving family nutballs i’d like to share the following musings, observations, and various rants.

i would also like to say, since it has been mentioned that this makes me sound a little “off my rocker” that this is tongue in cheek sarcasm regarding my thanksgiving holiday and not intended to be mean spirited. well, not too mean spirited.

1. it is NOT POSSIBLE to “focus on my energy” and thereby determine that i have ADD, manic-depressive disorder, low AcH levels, or any other BIOLOGICAL malady. please stop focusing on my energy.

2. washing machines are self-cleaning. it’s not like i’m washing shitty diapers in there. guess what? i just focused on your energy and you need to deal with your OCD.

3. my dog cannot “talk” to you. frankly, if she could i don’t think she’d be asking you to ask me to take her out. she would tell you that freud called and he wants his crazy back.

4. i drink because you… well, because of you.

5. there is no possible reason whatsoever in any circumstance that seven immediate family members need NAMECARDS on the dinner table. we know where the fuck we wanna sit.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

6. thanks for the book on manic-depressive disorder, but once again, i disagree with your “diagnosis”. can we please not talk about this anymore? please?

7. i’m sorry that my dog’s hair “weaves” into your rug and sheets and blankets. weird how YOUR dog’s hair doesn’t do that, isn’t it?

8. since you insist on discussing my “disease”, do you not think it at all strange that since you’ve been on Adderall for your “ADD” you average about 2 hours of sleep a night? and have lost about 35 pounds? because you’re so healthy, you say? uh, okay, sure.

9. thanks for letting me stay in your house and making my dad happy. and reminding me that even the most “perfect” person is far from perfect. see you at christmas, freak.

December 14, 2007 at 4:21 pm Leave a comment